The Graduate Student Body


It is a truth, though not formally acknowledged, that the computer science 
department is in possession of a graduate student body. It is not clear 
how many people know of his (non)existence; certainly he is mentioned 
infrequently and only by mistake. The author of this announcement, for 
instance, heard of him while eavesdropping on a private conversation 
between two CSGC representatives, carried out at normal volume a few feet 
away from her. 

The representatives discussed inviting current students to meet the 
graduate student body at a pizza social in the near future. However, the 
final version of the invitation made no reference to the body. 
Disappointed, the author expressed her wish of meeting the body and 
learning more about the mysterious circumstances surrounding his demise. A 
CSGC representative responded that they were trying to keep it hush-hush. 

This informal acknowledgement of the body's presence, coupled with the 
clear indication of its not being an approved topic of discussion, leaves 
us with no choice but to guess at the secret of the graduate student body. 
A list of rumors ensues.

- The graduate student body has been present ever since the computer 
science department first accepted graduate students.

- He used to be a computer science graduate student until he became a 
body.

- He has been dumped into Lake Carnegie (or so a CSGC representative 
claims, but remember this is only a rumor).

- He belongs to certain persons' never-seen fourth office-mate.

- Items that have occupied your office for ages, with no apparent owner, 
are his.

- He is stored in the Computer Science Storage Room, and that is why its 
doors must remain locked at all times. 


Possible explanations of his demise, in order of most to least credited, 
include: 

- His adviser got mad at him.

- He was the main course at the SEAS Graduate Student Barbeque.

- He perished in a freak debugging accident.

- He disagreed with the CSGC.

- He visited Cornell before finishing his graphics assignment.

- He was too smart for his own good.

- He ate at the wrong restaurant (now demolished).

- He over-indulged himself with ice-cream.

- He did not wish to graduate and leave the department.


Readers are requested to convey further insights, opinions, hypotheses, 
and slander on this topic to the author via word of mouth or e-mail.